The Mid Century Classic Club
It’s okay to be a late bloomer as long as you don’t miss the flower show.
In this update I share Jane Fonda’s acceptance speech and explore how I am navigating being fifty and grey haired.
When I watched Jane Fonda’s acceptance speech this morning, I felt a nudge to share a few thoughts and observations about turning 50.
There is so much goodness in Fonda’s speech, and I can not wait for her upcoming stunt work.1
It’s okay to be a late bloomer as long as you don’t miss the flower show.
Mid-Century Classic Club
I turned 50 last year and am enjoying being part of the 'Mid-Century Classic Club’. I wanted two things for my birthday, and the first was to travel to Scandinavia with my family. We visited five cities and four countries over three weeks.
I feel like I was in a deep conversation with myself about turning fifty for a couple of years in the lead up to my actual birthday because of the second thing I wanted - to finally embrace my natural hair colour. And, yes, I got this too.
It took over 14 months to get there, within plenty of time for my birthday.
There were many feelings and unexplored beliefs circling around my heart and mind in the lead up to my birthday about what I had or had not yet achieved and how much time I had left. I believe Brenè Brown refers to these conversations as ‘the stories we tell ourselves’. I starting thinking more deeply about what I needed for myself and wanted for those around me.
When I did finally arrive at this mid century juncture in the tracking of time to mark my journey on this precious earth, I felt as ready as I could be. Knowing I would see the year out with three weeks in Scandinavia definitely helped any inner turmoil that may have been trying to bubble to the surface.
When I congratulate family or friends who’ve recently turned 50, safely crossing over this threshold, I tell them they've officially become part of the 'Mid-Century Classic Club’.
Their response? I usually get more of a smirk than a smile, and I wonder what stories they’ve been telling themselves about turning 50, and if they’ve given enough breathing space to some of the irrational thoughts and unprocessed emotions that come with this birthday.
One of the ways I tackled some of these unwelcome gifts was to call in my rational brain to crunch the numbers. Many years ago, I read about the idea of our life as Three Acts in Jane Fonda’s book, My Life So Far.
My memory of what each act comprises, looks something like this. Act I is the time from when we are born until we’re 30. Act II is from our 31st birthday to our 60th and Act III is (hopefully) the one that sees us to our 90th.
If we use Fonda’s maths, and the fact that I just used Roman Numerals, I’m in the third part of Act II. There’s a mind trick I like about this. If I was only considering the reference point of middle age, then I’d need to be just under thirty nine years of age, based on the research about life expectancy in Australia.
The realisation that turning 50 meant I was more than half way through my life could feel depressing, but I am trying not to look at it this way.
Embracing Act II
An extroverted colleague describes her feelings about turning fifty as teetering dangerously close to an existential crisis. Describing herself as someone who normally loves to honour her birthday each year with a celebration, she’s not planning a party for this milestone birthday. It’s not that her life lacks meaning, it’s that she’s wondering what this point in time means for her visibility in the workforce.
Joining the 'Mid-Century Classic Club’ seems to be a marker of when the decline of the external begins. She’s wondering if she’ll be penalised by her decision to age naturally, and avoid the choices she’s seen some women in high profile roles make - to ‘keep up their appearances’.
I try to tell myself that I have not felt this pressure, and that my profession as an educator and writer allows me to stop dying my hair and look my age.
But that’s a lie. I have felt a lot of pressure around this issue.
When I re-listen to a podcast episode I recorded for The Inner Curious with my co-host, Louise Weigall, I recall that it took me a looong time to finally stop dying my hair and embrace my glitter.
You can listen to the S1 #3 Grey Matters podcast episode from December, 2021.
Seeing role models, such as Australia’s Governor General, Sam Mostyn, is hopefully shifting concerns about hair colour, and there’s various articles such as All the female celebrities who have embraced their grey hair. But it’s complex, as we read in 'I get called The Lady With Grey Hair': Our complex relationship with hair.
Deciding to go back to my natural (mostly grey) hair colour a few years ago was liberating. But it was hard. Hard because many people around me (friends, husband, family) wanted to comment on my decision.
“You are braver than me.”
“I could not do it.”
“I am not ready.”
“At least you have hair you can colour.”
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With many peri-menopausal women around me talking about getting older and wiser, I’ve pointed them to
and her advice about whether you should blow up your life.
With love and gratitude,
KPH
I acknowledge the Traditional Owners and Custodians of the lands on which I live and pay my respects to Indigenous Elders past, present and emerging. Sovereignty has never been ceded. It always was and always will be, Aboriginal land.
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OH hey friend! thanks for sharing this. She’s so powerful.