I got out of my own way and I did a hard thing

Reflecting on the emotional mountain climb that is Virtual Speed Literary Dating

Mar 14, 2024

Today I’m enjoying the lightness of being on the other side of doing a hard thing. Perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while.

I pitched the manuscript for my book, Next Steps, to a publisher.

I talked about Next Steps to someone who does not know me.

For three minutes I shared the what, how and why of Next Steps.

It was scary, thrilling and fun, all at the same time.

Please pour yourself a cuppa and indulge me as I reflect on how the series of events leading up to this helped me enjoy the pitch, rather than endure it.

A drive up the Loddon Valley Highway

In April 2022 I drove to Terang for a three day writing retreat, run by Jen Hutchison*, Journeys To Words Publishing. I didn’t know much about the book writing and publishing process. My intention was to open the door to writing for pleasure and to let go of the more technical writing habits I’d developed as a content marketer.

As I drove along the Loddon Valley Highway towards the Commercial Hotel, I felt excited and scared to be carving out this time to develop my craft. Heading to a place I’d never been, to spend three days with people I’d never met, was how I chose to honour the part of me who wanted to be more adventurous with my writing.

I arrived early enough to pick my choice of room and then went for a walk to check out the local area. When I returned to the hotel for the first workshop, they’d started ahead of schedule. I was the last to be seated in a large room with over 16 writers and playwrights. During a series of intensive workshops I learnt new concepts including the importance of killing your darlings, structural edits, remembering to read your work out aloud, the dangers of red wine regret and lots more. I made some new writing friends and, on my return home, I joined Australian Society of Authors (ASA).

*I was very sad to learn that Jen passed away later that year.

Writing Rituals & Feedback

After the trip to Terang I decided to work on establishing a creative writing ritual so I could bring to life the outline of a book I’d written in a moment of clarity the previous year. I took Jen’s advice and blocked time in my diary to write. I bathed in the sunshine of writing for writing’s sake, crafting words and remembering stories that made sense for the ideas that were starting to develop. Seeds became seedlings as I began to write each chapter, shining light on my journey. I began to unravel and make sense of the insights from many conversations I’d had with clients over the years about aligning their values to their professional lives.

I completed a very raw first draft and asked one of my new writing friends if she’d be willing to take a look at what I’d written. While I felt safe with her eyes on my words, I felt exposed asking for feedback. This was the ultimate test of whether I had anything to offer as a writer.

Her feedback helped me realise the immense work that’s involved in writing something of substance and value. “You’re such an interesting person Karen, but I don’t see you in this”. I needed to tap into a style of writing that felt very new and too revealing. I wasn’t sure if I had the emotional strength or stamina to see this grandiose idea through to full bloom. It felt so hard. Sharing more of me on the page seemed indulgent and wasteful.

I began to consider my own reading experiences. To become curious about why a particular line or paragraph or idea in a book worked. To notice how the author constructed that sentence or revealed that insight or story. I read more widely across the genre of my book. I continued to learn from the experienced writers I love to read. I was patient with myself and invested time in my journaling, meditation and yoga rituals. I created space for my true voice to emerge and for my writing style to take form.

I wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

After some time I shared the first chapter of my manuscript with another friend from the writing retreat and watched her read it. Observing and discussing her reactions gave me the sense that I was drawing closer to creating a work of narrative non fiction that offered more of me. The structure of each chapter was changing and I was learning to strike a better balance between story and thought starters.

I continued to edit, rewrite and reorder the chapters with my eye on how to evoke relatability in the words I was sharing with my reader. I wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

I had to get out of my own way

Feeling untethered without Jen’s wisdom to guide me on my writing journey, I wasn’t sure what to do with my messy manuscript. Surrounded by colleagues who self publish as part of their journey to become a key person of influence or thought leader, I was torn between the effort of the confronting reality of pitching to publishers and the perceived ease of paying someone to help me self publish. While I knew the self publishing path had merit, I was not sure if it was for me. We’ve all had those friends who want to sell you their book. I resolved to keep an open mind and continue to research and better understand my options.

I wondered why I was delaying taking my next step. The door I’d tentatively opened nearly two years earlier was feeling like it would shut if I did not make a decision and get this hard thing done.

I met a young writer at a Writer’s Victoria live write at the The Wheeler Centre. She’d recently been awarded a writing scholarship and I was curious about how she planned to navigate her writing journey. “If you get published, you know you’re good”, she said. I wondered if the flip side was true and then I read that Brené Brown’s first book was self published.

I needed to do something because I could feel myself starting to veer away from my intention to turn this manuscript into a book. If I was asked about my writing progress by any of the small number of people who knew I’d been writing more creatively, I’d make up some story that I was unable to decide if what I was writing was a book, a potential thesis or therapy.

I was afraid. I was trying to talk myself into these alternatives to disguise my fear.

I was reading a lot and enjoying the process. The re-writing and restructuring of the book created the opportunity to do some research. I took action in other areas and re-worked my company newsletter, LinkedIn newsletter and refreshed many blogs on my company website. I wanted more of me to be on the pages I was writing, whether they were for work or play.

At my first One Roof journaling session for 2024, led by Ingrid Jones, I reflected on my intentions for my writing. Discovering I needed to take immediate action, I left the journaling session 15 minutes early, jumped on the ASA website and booked myself into the Pitch Perfect workshops. The first workshop started that afternoon. One hour each Friday with Dr Emily Booth and Jodie Spiteri-James, talking to 100+ Zoom attendees on mute about the publishing process. We learnt about publishers in Australia, how to research suitable publishers, how to prepare for the three minute pitch and tips for self publishing.

The workshops provided the information I needed to create some momentum, but I was still spinning my wheels. Writing the manuscript was hard enough. Now I was expected to synthesise 40,000 words and share the what, how and why of my book in 390 words at a three minute pitch. This felt like an almost impossible task.

I had not joined a local writing group, as some people had suggested I should, but I did have a chance encounter with

Meg Dunley

and I continued to follow Meg’s updates on her Instagram account. Discovering her writing retreats, I put myself on the waiting list and a gentle nudge from Meg encouraged me to book into the February Retreat with Me.

Meg’s four day writing retreat felt like an important investment in KPH, the writer, and in my book - Next Steps, How to Live a Life of Purpose.

I wanted to give myself the best opportunity to live the life I’d started imagining for myself. Life is busy. Work and family demands keep us anchored to the sameness of our lives. It’s hard to carve out time to do something new. Something other than what we’ve been doing.

This retreat was the four sacred days I needed to finalise my manuscript and prepare my pitch for the March Virtual Literary Speed Dating, which I booked myself into as soon as the registrations opened.

On day one I shared my elevator pitch and 2000 words of my manuscript with the four other attendees and Meg. I was reminded of the importance of reading my words out aloud. I wrote down my intention for the retreat and stuck it on the window of my room.

I had a 1:1 coaching session with Meg and she read her pitch to me. This was an invaluable way to understand just how much work was still yet to come! I used my writing time that afternoon to draft my pitch for the March ASA pitches.

On day two Meg ran a workshop leading us into the bush surrounding the property where we were staying. She encouraged us to observe and write about our natural surroundings.

The group discussion after this provided a helpful lens for my afternoon of editing. It encouraged me to consider how I could go deeper into the concepts I was sharing with my readers. I returned to my room, sat in the reading chair, put my feet up and read through a hard copy of my manuscript. My goal was to remove the vomit, refine the chapter headings and improve the flow for the reader. I made significant changes to each chapter and moved everything around, enjoyed an afternoon sleep and started reading some of the comparison titles for the publishers I was pitching to in two weeks.

On day three Meg ran a workshop focused on play. I wrote and talked bout my memories of swimming as a child. This workshop discussion was the key that unlocked a more playful and gentle approach for how I could engage my readers. Asking them to imagine and wonder felt like a safer way to encourage them to take their next steps.

Post it notes with the suggestions from my fellow writers were added to my one pager on my window from the first workshop.

Bring wonder
Gentler words
I invite you
Can you imagine
Write imagination into the questions

On day four we shared lunch and reflected on our time together. Tears overcame me as I thought about how much I’d enjoyed the experience with these beautiful women and fellow writers.

We’d shared stories, laughter, knowledge, hopes and fears. I felt emotionally held by Meg thanks to how she facilitated the workshops, set up our writing spaces, nourished us with each meal and helped us wind down, relax and debrief together at the end of each day.

My Next Steps

I feel like I’ve given myself every chance to take my next step.

I’ve kept the door open.

I have one more pitch this morning. Within seven days of these pitches, the ASA will advise me if I’m a ‘match’ or ‘not a match’. If I am a ‘match’, I will be invited to send my manuscript or other submission details to the publisher. If my manuscript does not get picked up by a publisher, I will walk down the path of self publishing.

Ask for help

Meg and I spent one hour on Zoom together the afternoon before my first pitch. We practiced our pitches, giving each other suggestions for how to refine and improve our message. This made a significant difference to my confidence and, once again, I felt seen and understood.

If you’re on a book writing journey or preparing to pitch to publishers, either for ASA’s Virtual Literary Speed Dating or with submissions via your preferred publisher’s websites, please look

Meg Dunley

up. Her writer’s coaching and mentoring may be just what you need right now.

Profound thought: I can get out of my way and do a hard thing.

With love & gratitude,

Karen (KPH)